Everyone walks a different path. Some people have a need to be in a partnership, and others tend to go from relationship to relationship searching for whatever it is that they need. Then there are the other people who seem to do well on their own. These are interesting people. They depend on themselves and are content to be alone.
This doesn’t mean they don’t have friends or want to go out and have a good time. They just don’t have a need to be in a relationship to define themselves or feel complete. I admire this quality. And as time goes on, I feel that I fit into this group more and more. I find I need to weigh the pros and cons of relationships with being single every time someone tries to set me up, or I am asked out on a date. For the last few years, the single me continues to win.
I used to be afraid of growing old and dying alone. I don’t fear that any longer. It seems to me that once you get to know yourself truly as just you without outside influences, it becomes easier to live your life as a single person.
Will I stay single forever? I don’t have the answer to that, but I know that for now, it feels right to be alone, and that it is perfectly ok.
The other day I went to visit my doctor. As usual, he asked how I was doing and if I was seeing anyone. My doctor likes to keep tabs on me since he knew the issues that occurred before and during the divorce. He always asks how my children are coping as well.
Am I seeing anyone? No, not really. But do I want to be? Well, that got me to thinking. Then the next day I read a brief article on the benefits of being single. That got me thinking even more. There are a lot of benefits to being single. You are the only one spending your income, so you choose where it goes. You decide if you use a credit card for a high-cost item or if you decide to save up before purchasing it. You decide how to pay off debt (like divorce debt), and how you allot your dollars. You decide how to decorate your home. Are you a minimalist or do you like to fill your home with things? Your choice. You decide if you want a pet, and if so, what kind? Do you want to travel? Where do you want to go?
Here’s the best one. You become utterly and solely you. When in a relationship, partners tend to pick up on certain pieces of the other partner’s personality. Quirks, sayings, behaviours. These things tend to blend. The dominant personality tends to overshadow the less dominant personality. You essentially become the same person. However, when you choose a life of being single, you know that who you are is simply you. And that is a good feeling.
This past week I spent a fair amount of time going back and forth to the library. I have discovered that you can borrow movies for free! Now, this isn’t something new, but I have never actually done it myself. I decided it was a good time to give it a try, what with my decluttering and minimalist outlook. Plus, I decided that in order to watch the movies, I have to spend at least an hour on my spin bike while watching one. So not only do I get to watch movies I wanted to see without having to pay for them, I am doing myself some good in the process.
I also borrowed some books for my bedtime reading. One book I borrowed was a “self-help” book called Unsingle. Honestly, not worthy of the time it took to read it. It is basically one girl’s experience of imagining having a boyfriend until one actually showed up. There’s your cole’s notes version. One out of five stars. However, this book is contrary to one of the movies I rented: How to be Single. Now, this movie starring Rebel Wilson, was hilariously funny at so many times. It showed the downside of being single when you so desperately want to be in a relationship. It also showed all the great things about being single as the main character came to terms with her unattached status.
I pondered both sides of things, but in the end, for me I am most decidedly single. At least unless the right guy comes along. I’ve had my share of users and abusers. The narcissist, the self-absorbed, the desperate. They have all taught me that there is some good in these experiences. Surely they have shown me what I want to steer clear of if nothing else!
Being single doesn’t mean you have to spend all your time alone either, ladies. I have developed some wonderful friendships that provide so much happiness! I have the freedom to be friends with other women and with men…something my ex-husband absolutely would not have “tolerated”. And I have to say, I love it! There is no expectation of putting out after an evening out. No commitment to have to get together every Friday night. I can do what I want. Sure, Valentine’s day is coming up. Guess what? I have a date and I will be going out. One of my single girl friends and I have a date with each other, and it will very likely be the best Valentine’s day I will ever have!
So, to those who are sad or feeling depressed because you’re single with the upcoming so-called most romantic day of the year, try and take a look at it from the other side. You have everything you need inside yourself already. Take yourself out on a date! Buy yourself flowers and candy if you like. Happiness comes from within, never allow someone else to be the reason for your happiness.
Be happily single.