Monthly Archives: March 2016

spring

Welcome spring.  Welcome to new beginnings and change.  Welcome to the transformation and that feeling of morphing out of a chrysalis like the butterflies do.  Welcome to the beauty that we see or that perhaps that we cannot see plainly with our own eyes.  Embrace it and bask in it.

Today is Easter Sunday.  Whether religious or not, it is a day that many enjoy.  Whether spent rejoicing that He has risen, or taking part in the traditions of the Easter Bunny and egg hunts, Easter to me symbolizes growth and fresh beginnings.

I feel that my life is on the cusp of a new start, in some ways.  Perhaps in many ways.  Not that I care to get into details too quickly or prematurely, but I do feel that there are some things waiting for me.  Listening to the signs of the universe, there are things lining up.  I can read these things however I choose.  Opportunities arise all the time, but only when we are open to receive them, are when they come to fruition.  I have gone through a lot of difficulties in the past four years.  I have been broken down and beaten, metaphorically and literally.  I have had my strength and faith tested numerous times, and it has only strengthened my faith and spirituality more.  I have grown, and become who I am.  Who I was hiding all these years.  All the insecurities that have been pounded into me over the years are fading away.  Why?  Because I have learned to like me.  As I am.  I am responsible for my own growth, for feeling how I do.  Do you know what that does to a person?  It translates into feeling comfortable in one’s own skin.  This is revolutionary for me, something I have never felt.  It’s an incredible feeling.  I like me.  I like the me I am now.  I like who I am, who I have become.  I like the me that I am as an individual, not who I was forced, shaped and molded to be.  I have shed that skin, moulted like the outgrown skin the way a reptile does, and revealing a shiny new one that fits and feels so much better.

In this season of transformation, as the grass greens up and the flowers start to sprout out of the dirt, I hope you all feel the changes happening within you too.  I will leave you with one of my favourite and often used quotes to consider, a Zen Proverb:

May we exist like the lotus, at ease in muddy water.

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beauty

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Sometimes, if we take a step back and look at things with fresh eyes, we see things differently.  Things we never saw before.  Maybe we chose not to see them, or maybe we just couldn’t at the time.  Maybe something was blocking our senses that caused us to miss whatever it is we caught on that second time around.  Whatever it was, beauty really is all around us.

I took a mental health day away from work this week.  It was necessary.  Some things were building up that made it virtually impossible to manage all the weights that were pushing down on me. I spent time in solitude, meditated, and in self care during an extended massage therapy session.  I took a look at what was happening around me in my world.  Not the whole world, not the weights of the political forum or the war and conflict around the world and in our backyards.  Just my world.  What was pushing down on me?  What was I pushing back against? Who or what was I pushing away, and what was it that kept gently tapping on my door, ignoring my requests to leave me be?

Solitude is a wonderful thing.  Everyone needs a little time in silence, I firmly believe that.  Some things become clearer within that quiet space.  Not everything.  But nothing worth doing comes that easy, remember that.

When I woke this morning, I felt a greater sense of calmness than I have felt in some time.  It doesn’t mean that my stresses or stressors have gone away; they are still there.  In fact, even today, I have noticed twice that one of my stressors has been present.  I don’t have a solution to this issue as of yet, but it made itself known and while not contacting me directly, it left me to witness it.  A reminder that it still exists and to beware.  Beyond that, I have also decided to allow one thing that I have pushed away to gain entry into my life again.  That gentle tapping refused to go away, even with months of ignoring or even gruffness on my part to encourage it to leave me be.  I let it in.  I forgot how beautiful it was, or perhaps I am just now seeing it with different or more open eyes.  With eyes of a gentler soul or a more relaxed view.  I felt a weight lift off of me, perhaps felt a little more free or lighter, so to speak.

I noticed the beauty of spring today.  The melting of the small plots of snow, the rabbits changing colors back from white to brown, the songbirds in the trees playfully chasing each other around.  I noticed the flowers in the shops, ready for Easter celebrations.  It reminded me that renewal is occurring all around me and encompasses me too.  Take time to notice what is in your surroundings.  Notice the devoted love from your dog, the love from your friends or family, the buds forming in the spring trees or the grass greening up.  Notice your world and see the beauty around you too.

Namaste.

birthday thoughts

Birthdays are the time when I tend to take stock of my life.  March is a big birthday month in my world.  Soul Sister, Big Brother, and my birthday all within two weeks are the ones that top my list.  Some years I feel that I’ve been doing well.  Others, well, it feels more like I’ve barely survived.  I honestly don’t know how I feel this year.  Perhaps it depends on the day you ask, and what has happened.  It has been a year full of ups and downs, of stresses and successes.  Of love and pain.

Whichever way the year pans out, I am thankful and grateful for it all.  I have used the hard stuff and grown from it, and I have taken the great stuff and bloomed with it.  I am stronger than I have ever been, and even though there are days where I feel complete defeat, I know that there have been more good things happening than bad.  That is a success for me.

I make plans for where I am and where I want to be.  I look at the next year, two years, five years, and beyond.  Where do I want to be this time next year?  Where do I want to be when it’s time to retire?  Where do I want to live and what is it that I want to do?  I think many of us go through similar thought processes, whether it be at a birthday or perhaps at the new calendar year or even at the new school year.  I think it is important to run through these things from time to time.  Take stock of our mental, emotional, physical, financial, and creative wellbeing.  Where are we?  Have we achieved the goals we have aspired to, and if not, how can we change things so we can get there?

A dear friend of mine has recently told me of a major change in life that has definitely been made for the better.  And I was absolutely thrilled to hear it.  These decisions are not made lightly, and they are typically not made alone either.  We make decisions together, those who are in committed relationships.  We make decisions together, those who are in family units.  We make decisions together, those who are in business partnerships.  We rarely make decisions alone.  When it is a decision made with someone else, someone, or several someones for that sake, it reinforces the positivity of that choice.  It’s almost magical when it happens.  Choices for the better, choices for happiness.

Another friend of mine a few years ago told me some snippets of a decision she and her husband made for financial goals.  I was interested in hearing what she was doing.  I was not ready for such decisions myself when she told me of them, but I was still keenly interested in seeing them succeed.  And succeed they did.  They realized their goals and have recently announced they have reaped the fruits of their dedication.

Inspiration.  Pure and simple.  These incredible people have inspired me.  I may not be ready for the amazing transformations that they have been able to achieve, but I will be.  Slowly I will make my way to the finish line of my goals.  I am not prepared to send those goals out to the world, but I have them.  I have my plans and although it may take several years to get there, I know I will in time hit my finish line too.

a night at the theatre house

I had the opportunity recently to attend the live theatre in town.  The play was titled Through the Looking Glass, based off of Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland.  It had been some time since I had been to live theatre.  I have to say, I forgot how enjoyable it is!  The actors were wonderful!  You could see how much fun this production was for them to perform.  Maybe it was because the production was rather light-hearted, or maybe it was because it was somewhat interactive with the audience.  Perhaps it was the energy from the children in the audience.  I really can’t say.  What I do know is that my seat was close enough to the stage to see the smiles on the actors’ faces, and the delight shining in their eyes.  Yes, this was one of the first performances of this particular play, so this could also have had an effect, but I suspect there was more to it than just that.  I sensed that these performers love what they do.  Truly, madly, deeply.  They enjoy the spotlight, being the centre of attention, providing entertainment to the full house audience.  They feed off the audience’s energy, laughter and applause.  It was a delight to witness.

What’s more, it had me craving more.

I do not enjoy movie theatres nearly to the extent that I enjoyed this live performance.  I found the seating to be much nicer, the audience to be more engaged and dressed much nicer as well.  This adds to the atmosphere, believe me.

I think I just may look into adding more live theatre to my outings.  The experience has been uplifting and somehow, I wish I could place myself up on that stage just once.  To do what they do.  Just one time.